“Sister” by Lauren Daye

Younger sister

Your innocence used to be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen

I remember when I craved the purity that you held in your gentle grip

I remember when I spoke of sex, your virgin body would get stiff and your cheeks would burn red

 

I remember when you looked at your bumpy body in the mirror, and you were content

 

Oh, younger sister

Did you believe that you wouldn’t lose your self-worth?

Did you ever imagine a day where you would obsess over the temple that god gave you?

Did you think you could keep your innocence stored behind all of your oversized clothes?

 

If I told you that a year from now you’d be starving yourself before every meal,

Would you believe me?

 

Little sister

You are not defined by the sickening social ideal of an attractive woman

Just because your love handles hang over the edges of your too-small jeans

It does not mean that you are flawed

 

Oh, Little sister

When you look in the mirror do you see yourself as a fuckdom?

Do you respect the naked little girl who looks back at you?

When did you lose your innocence?

 

It is crazy that I don’t recognize your voice anymore

You spend hours telling me how losing your virginity made you into a woman

And that as your bodies clashed in the woods, you were so in love

Do you believe the words you spat out of your mouth?

 

And after he left you, did you believe that your body was a battle field?

Did you care whether the razor cut too deep?

Did you give yourself a limit to your madness?

Sister, I know your heart is broken, but will you please keep this meal down?

 

Tiny sister

Just a month ago you told me that you preferred death

You began playing Russian roulette, swallowing pills to mask the sadness

Putting beer bottles to your lips to hide the pain

Is it working?

Do you have purpose as he presses his lips against your neck and says that you’re fuckable

 

Well tiny sister

Does it make you feel sexy when the skin of your sunken belly wraps around your boney hips?

Are you proud of the weight-obsessed girl you see in the mirror?

 

Are your secrets exciting?

When we eat out does your heart race as you walk to the bathroom?

Do you get a high?

 

Don’t you fucking tell me you were just fixing your make-up

 

Vanishing sister

Your war-torn body is no longer as sturdy as it used to be

But I see the pain erupting from your hazel eyes, I know you’re trying to escape

Stop holding yourself back

 

Oh, vanishing sister

Don’t you see that you are worth more?

More than how much food you can get out of your stomach

More than how a man touches your boney little body

More than how your silhouette looks in the mirror

You are worth so much more

 

Younger sister

A year from now you will be purging your thanksgiving meal into mom’s bathroom toilet

Your thighs will be etched with tally marks of how many times your heart has been broken

 

Innocent younger sister

I know that you are so young right now and this doesn’t make sense

But it will

Please, imagine your beautiful body laying at the morgue

Can you see yourself there?

How does it make you feel?

Never wish death upon yourself, put the razor back in the drawer where it came from

 

Younger sister

I have missed you so much

I miss the way you used to lay with me on the couch eating jars of Nutella

I was so jealous of how you knew that behind every pound of fat on your body

You were beautiful

 

Sister

You are beautiful