Hedge Apple

Stephanie Glover

Indistinguishable Guilt

Maggie’s leather bag was timeworn and filthy but jam-packed with the shattered fragments of her soul. She protectively slid her hand across its shabby surface. Flinging it over her shoulder, she walked toward the house. She takes her long strides with deliberate purpose, afraid she will lose her nerve if she slows her pace.

She’d left when she was seventeen years old and had not been back since. Maggie often curled up to sleep under some bridge in whatever god-forsaken town she was passing through and dream about going home. Now that it was actually happening, she had an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

On the surface not much had changed in the ten years she was gone. The sunlight still pushed its way through the leaves of the enormous sycamore trees that lined the mile long driveway. The beams danced on the asphalt, resembling the sparkle of a far-off carnival. In the distance she could see the whipping branches of the weeping willow that shadowed the pond where she’d spent long summer days with her sister.

Maggie felt that all too familiar pang of guilt in her belly. It had been her fault, and she knew it. The party had been Maya’s idea; she wanted to invite friends over while their parents were out of town. Even though they were identical twins, they were as different as two people could be. Maggie couldn’t get out of there quick enough; she had absolutely no desire to hang out with Maya’s delinquent friends.

Maya was infatuated with an older boy named Jake. He was bad news, and everyone knew it, including Maya. That was the appeal.

When Maggie returned home late that night, she found Maya crouched down behind the willow tree. She was completely naked and shaking with fright. Jake took by force what Maya wouldn’t give him by choice. He called her a cock-tease and said no one would believe her. After all, she had been pursuing him for weeks.

Two days later, the sheriff stopped by the house to inform the family that Jake had been released because they didn’t have enough evidence to hold him.

Jake left town with Maggie hot on his trail. She followed him from city to city, always making her presence known. Every time he landed a job or managed to get a girlfriend, she found a way to ruin it for him. She could have executed her vengeance quickly if she wanted, but that would have been too good for him. Maggie wanted Jake to spend every waking moment looking over his shoulder, trying to outrun his sins. They would catch up with him sooner or later. He just didn’t know it yet.

Maggie’s mind drifted to thoughts of her sister. Most outsiders didn’t understand the bond they had. They were physically indistinguishable from one another; it was like looking in the mirror. The long separation from her sister had often left her feeling hollow, the loneliness echoing through to her soul.

When they were little girls, they would ride into town with their father. He would speed up while going over the hills and they would howl with laughter as their stomachs did somersaults. Today, Maggie felt the same lurching in her stomach, only this time the feeling was from apprehension, not delight.

She instinctively grimaced when she thought about their reactions to her sudden reappearance.
Did they think she was dead? Would they be angry? The feeling of uneasiness she felt came to a head as she heard the strangled voice of her sister shouting her name.

Mixed emotions of anger and happiness surged though the air like a rogue wave. Their father bore the look of a man who had been relieved of a massive burden. Their mother’s worn face made it apparent that the not-knowing had taken its toll as she imagined the worst but hoped for the best.

The sisters sat staring at each other. The stillness in the room was palpable. Maggie wrung her hands in nervous anticipation. Her lips thinned as she explained to Maya what had taken place in the previous ten years. Guilt-ridden, she dropped to her knees, craving absolution and knowing her sister was the only one who could give it to her. More than that, she needed her forgiveness for taking the chunks of individuality that were not hers to run off with.

Maggie summoned all of her strength to pull herself up off her knees. Taking two quick steps, she came face-to-face with herself. She realized all at once that they had managed to deceive everyone except the ones that mattered. She embraced her sister. As the grip loosened, she whispered in her sister’s ear, “He has been punished.” The matter was never discussed again.