When we first met, my world was dull, and nothing out of the ordinary ever seemed to happen to me. Every day was the same and I felt numb to the world. I worked my nine to five and kept my head down, dutifully running the rat race. It’s not that the people at the office were horrible; in fact, they were all quite pleasant. I just could never seem to relate to them. They all had a spouse or a partner or a kid while I had nothing. Every evening I would come home, turn on the television, and fall asleep to some infomercial. Now it seems I can’t fall asleep without you.
Our mutual friend, Bridget introduced us. She said she had known you for a few months by then. At first, I was a little reluctant because I knew what you did to girls like me. I felt that, if I were to get to know you, you would someday be gone and I would be left a ruined woman. Bridget said that I shouldn’t be so skeptical, so I decided to take a chance on you. That first night was magical and I felt as if I had known you my whole life. I had only wished that I met you sooner, because I couldn’t imagine spending another minute without you. Needless to say, I was hooked.
When we were together, I felt completed for once in my life. I felt so safe and comfortable around you and, no matter what happened, you were always there to catch me when I fell and fill me with joy day after day. Every morning I woke up wanting to be in your presence, and every evening I fell asleep in your arms. While under your spell, I felt as if I were in a boat in the middle of a vast ocean. The ocean was dark and deep and treacherous, but the boat was warm and soft and full of comfort. The sea would roar and enormous waves would crash down around me, but the boat kept me dry and safe. Sometimes, I would feel the tug of everyday life pull at the sails of my boat but, the more of you I got, the less I owed to the world.
I started to miss work. At first, it was only a day or two every month, but it soon became more and more frequent. My coworkers began to gossip and everyone speculated different things but I didn’t care, I had you. On the days I called off, I would spend every hour enjoying your warmth. Until one morning, I think it was a Tuesday, when my boss called and said that I wouldn’t be needed around the office anymore. She said I had missed one too many days and they had replaced me with someone more reliable. I was free from the clutches of my job, yet I couldn’t help but feel a little upset. Were you really worth losing my job? I couldn’t stand being apart from you, but how was I going to pay my bills? After a minute or two of self-deliberation, I decided not to worry about it, so I called you up and you came over. You made me feel much better, like always.
You were by my side when I was evicted from my apartment and went with me as I went, crawling over to my parents’ house and begging them to take me in. They didn’t know about you and I knew they wouldn’t understand if I told them. They let me stay in my old bedroom under the condition that I would get a job right away, so I did. I was nervous about telling you. Getting a new job meant less time with you and, although I told my parents I could handle it, deep down inside I knew I couldn’t bear to be away from you. When I finally worked up the courage to tell you, you showed a side I had never before seen. Vicious jealousy filled your entire being as you forcefully reached out with one arm and yanked me back with the strength of a wild bear. I was shocked by your forcefulness and even more shocked when you gave me that ultimatum. You said if I tried to leave you, you would ruin me.
I tried to leave you for my parents’ sake. I couldn’t handle seeing them disappointed in how I acted around you. They had already seen another family member fall victim to a guy like you, and I knew deep down that they couldn’t handle their own daughter being the predator’s prey. As much as I tried to keep you a secret, my parents eventually found out, and soon thereafter kicked me out when I refused to break it off. They don’t understand, and they never will, as they have never felt the connection that we have. This unbreakable bond we have keeps us together. I am homeless, but I still have you. I have no job, but I still have you. That is all that matters.
I never thought this day would come. I was so careful and cautious but you came into my life like a tornado, ripping to shreds all that was familiar to me. You left me today with parting words that hurt worse than any pain I’d ever experienced. You said you couldn’t be with a penniless, homeless bum. You said I was too clingy and you needed someone independent and strong. As I think to myself, I wonder what it was that I ever saw in you. You bring out the worst in me and cause me to isolate myself. You always told me that I had no room for anyone else in my life and I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s love but yours. Until I met you, I never knew it was possible for one to be my worst enemy yet also be my greatest love.
Before I met you, I was an independent, well-off woman who took care of herself. I had a job, and I lived my life. But now, I am not living; I’m dying. I am dying without you and there is no cure. The warm, safe boat that once held me like a newborn baby has tipped me out and dropped me into the raging sea without a life vest. I scream for help but no one is there. I reach out to the darkness as I gasp for air but only get a mouthful of salty water and a handful of hopelessness. I beg for you to come back but the crashing waves carry my voice away to a realm of lost wishes and regrets.
Far off in the distance, I see someone boarding your boat at the shore. She steps on timidly and waves goodbye to her two children waiting patiently on the shore. The boat sets sail as she relaxes into your heavenly arms, enjoying the warmth and comfort you once gave me.
