Life is a little complicated. I live through my dreams. This sounds weird, I know but, for me, it makes perfect sense. Going through the real world has become a chore and a necessity just so that I can have a stable future. Because of this, I don’t have any enjoyment in my life. That is, not until I discovered this free and beautiful place that my mind opened me up to. Throughout my first year and a half of college, I became overwhelmed with stress and I wanted to give up. After a while, I decided I needed to find some way to calm all of my anxieties. I did a little research at the library, since that’s where I work, to try and find some ways to relax my mind and body. I ended up finding different meditation styles. That same day I went shopping for the incense and candles they recommended to help with the relaxation process. That’s how this whole journey began.
During deep meditation, there’s a lapse of time between being fully conscious, and a point of almost deep sleep. If timed correctly, one can pull their “soul” out from the body to a plane that is essentially between dimensions. I don’t know if it is really the person’s soul that gets separated or not. That’s just how I would describe it. Usually, when I float out from my physical body, I can still look like myself, but I have a bright purple and hazy glow that surrounds me. I suppose everyone’s color is different. Since not everyone knows or can travel here, there are only a small number of people I’ve come across. I never had long conversations with them, but I did notice their colors. One girl had the most beautiful teal glow, and there was a man that had a grayish blue color around him. I talked with them for only a few minutes, then went on my way. The others were in passing, so I don’t remember much about them. I’m surprised I ran into anybody here considering how infinitely big this place is. The only person I see constantly is this man who says he is my guardian. He calls himself Kassian. He told me before, when I first started coming here, that every living soul has a guardian. However, not everybody is as spiritually connected to them as others. They are our protectors. He also relayed to me some rules that go along with this realm:
- You can’t visit/spy on anyone from the living world.
Apparently this is possible and weird. This is also a good way to piss off other people’s guardians, which you NEVER want to do. Kassian hasn’t told me what they can do to me if I was to anger them, but I can assume that it’s not good.
- Don’t go searching for dead, passed-on souls.
Kassian told me that, since we are in an in-between realm, we have the ability to see the living and the dead. Both are not acceptable. Searching will drive you mad and eventually will cut your connection with your physical body, trapping you there.
- Never stay for long periods of time.
I usually project myself when I go to bed at night until the time I get up in the morning. Kassian tells me that this might be pushing the limits a little, but I feel I can control myself, and he respects that. He’s probably the only one who has confidence and trust in me. My family always felt I wouldn’t succeed, so they never motivated me to do anything. That’s why I thought college would be the perfect escape from all the negativity. Doing this at night helps me to keep focused during the day and get through work, class, and homework.
These were the more important rules he went over with me, but I wasn’t overly concerned about them. This realm allows me to create places I could never visit in my real life. Anything my mind comes up with, I can create around me. Spying and looking for people could never compare to the joy I can create. Kassian and I have already made so many great memories here. My favorite has been the time we ventured to a beach with sand the colors of coral. The blues, yellows, purples, and hundreds of other colors were blindingly beautiful. The water was crystal clear as we swam with whales and dolphins without a need to breathe. My imagination has no limitations. Other times we just sit and talk, like today for instance. Unlike most people, Kassian listens to me. He shares his knowledge with me, and we could discuss topics for hours. Today, we were sitting underneath a large willow tree surrounded by nothing but sunflowers, my favorite.
“How is it that your name is Lilly, and yet your favorite flower is a sunflower?” Kassian asked me with wonder in his voice.
“You can’t predict me that easily Kassian,” I chuckled, “That’s the whole point of getting to know someone.”
“I’ve been your active guardian now for a year. I should know the simple things about you.” He sounded a little defeated.
“What do you mean by ‘active guardian’?” I was confused by this.
“All guardians,” he explained, “are assigned to protect someone’s soul. Most people don’t achieve the level of spirituality that you have, where they get to mentally connect with their guardians. This means that they protect them from afar, not being able to get to that next level with them. Essentially ‘inactive’. When you crossed that bridge over to this dimension, you created a bond with me that awoke my need to guide and teach you, as well as protect you. Even when you leave to return to the real world, I can still sense how you are feeling.”
As he explained this to me, I was getting even more curious. “What happens if the person you’re looking after dies?”
“Their soul goes on to the afterlife,” he said with a sad look in his eyes. “Other than you, I have had one other active connection. He was still such a young man and, unfortunately, his life ended sooner than it should have. His death was a hard one for me to bear. It is so fulfilling for us guardians to be able to teach you throughout your years but, when that bond is broken, it leaves us torn and incomplete. When you projected through for the first time, I felt whole again.” The golden hue of his aura brightened as he said this to me. His eyes were a blue-green color like the ocean. Staring into them, I could understand all the pain this must have caused him. I reached over to touch his cheek out of sympathy, and felt a warmth go through my arm and down my whole being.
“I’m so sorry.” I told him this with all of my heart. “You know I’m here for you just as much as you are for me.”
“I’m the guardian,” he chuckled. “I shouldn’t be needing any protecting. Thank you, though.” He smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back. We talked for a while after that heavy conversation until it was time for me to go back to my boring life. In order for me to get back to my body, I needed to concentrate and visualize it in my head. Usually, that pulled me back in.
“Bye Kassian. I wish it was sooner rather than later,” I joked, and waved goodbye.
“Not too soon.” He warned. “Until next time, Lilly.” He smiled.
Within a few seconds, I was back in my bed staring at the blandness of my dorm room. I always felt so empty after returning. Here, there was no one to greet me or ask me how I felt. Picturing Kassian’s smile was the only thing that soothes this feeling in me. The college had put me in a single dorm room. I initially thought this would be peaceful for me, but now I get lonely. I mean, I talk and interact with classmates, but I wouldn’t consider them good friends. There is one girl that takes the time to talk to me, and I look to her for friendship. Her name is Beth, and she’s a sweet girl. She has one of those personalities that just attracts people, even a hermit like myself. I have at least half of my classes with her because we are going for the same degree: a Bachelors in Business. It’s not the most interesting career field, but it is the most beneficial.
Eventually, I got up out of bed to go get a shower. The hot water felt so good against my skin. This is my version of coffee. It wakes me up every morning. Stepping out of the shower, I stare at my reflection for a few minutes. Projecting every night has made me look well rested. My skin is fair and I can see every freckle. My hair, though, has been getting out of control. My tousled auburn hair is getting too long, and the waves are starting to tangle in amongst themselves. When I’m in the dream realm, I can present myself however I want. I never change anything, though. I would rather have Kassian see me the way I actually am. Realizing that I’m going to be late, I quickly got dressed and run out the door with my bag in hand. I saw Beth up ahead and rushed to try and catch up with her.
“Hey Lilly, good morning!” She was always good at being cheerful in the mornings. “Oh, did you manage to get the homework done for Mr. Hines’ class?”
“Yeah,” I coughed out my reply from being so out of breath. “I got it finished before I went to bed last night.”
“That’s good. He would probably be pissed if our class was late on homework again. In fact, we better hurry and get there before he kicks us out for being late.” She charged forward in a power walk that had me gasping to keep up. She walked with a determination that I don’t think I could ever have here. She noticed me lagging so she grabbed my wrist and pulled me along at her pace.
We made it with five minutes to spare, and Beth looked like she’d just won the race of a lifetime. We took our seats in the back, and waited for class to begin. Mr. Hines was a professor I didn’t enjoy. His monotone voice sent me on so many tangents of daydreaming that the look of boredom on my face probably offended him. He taught economics, which is the hardest class I have this semester.
I learn a lot about the subjects I have from the library, since I’m there five days a week for work. I don’t do much there. I usually take carts of books and put them back on the shelves where they belong. Any free time I have there, I just read whatever I can. Or I use some of that time to do homework so that I don’t have any to do over the weekends. The older ladies that I work with are the sweetest and just leave me be to do whatever I want, as long as I still do my job. It feels good to have a job that can help me out with school.
The hour and a half class seemed to drag on. It was pure torture. I broke out of my haze when I started to see that Beth and everyone else was packing up. We left and went on to the other classes for the day and, before I knew it, school was done for the day.
“Lilly, do you have time for a bite to eat before you go to work?” Beth asked. She had one of those irresistible smiles like Kassian has, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her no.
“Sure. Where do you want to go?” I was trying to think of all the places we could go that wasn’t too far from the library.
“How about the deli shop right down the street? I heard they have the best subs.” She looked at me expectantly.
“That sounds good to me.” I’m glad that I have Beth to get me out and do things. She really is a special person, and I guess gaining one great friend out of my college experience isn’t a total failure. We crossed the street and strolled down the block to Dillard’s Deli Delights, all the way trying to figure out what I wanted. I decided on a ham and cheese sub while Beth chose roast beef, both good choices in my opinion. We sat down, ate, and talked for about forty-five minutes until it was time for me to go. She waved goodbye and I watched as her bouncy blonde hair disappeared from view.
The library was only another five-minute walk. I pushed through the doors, said my greetings, punched my time card, and then grabbed my first cart of books. I got into my own zone as I carefully read the spines of each book and found their correct location. After a while, though, I started to get a nervous feeling. Strangely, out of nowhere. The feeling just kept getting worse as I went aisle to aisle until my body started to shake from tension.
Then, a voice came to my head in almost a whisper. Lilly…get out…way. I couldn’t quite make out what it was saying. Was that Kassian’s voice? I wasn’t staying focused. RUN! It screamed at me. By then, I could see the huge bookshelf in front of me quiver and shake so violently that it started to tip over top of me. I jumped out of the way, yet I was not quick enough. The bookshelf managed to catch my ankle and slammed down on it hard. A man ran over to help me up and carry me to the front desk.
“What in the world happened!” Doloris screamed. She was one of the front desk receptionists that would sometimes help me look for books to read.
“The bookshelf just fell over. I don’t know why, though. Ouch! I think it twisted my ankle.” I flinched in pain, but I insisted to not go to the hospital. I didn’t have the money for all that. Doloris finally told me she would drive me back to my dorm. She helped me to her car and then we were on our way. After the short drive, she got me out of the car and into my room. She sat me on the bed and stacked pillows underneath my ankle, then she hurriedly went through to the small kitchen area.
“Doloris! It really is okay. You don’t have to fuss over me.” I pleaded with her to stop worrying.
“You listen here, missy,” she scolded as she came back with a pouch of ice and my school bag. “You’re going to accept my help and like it.” She gingerly placed the ice pack on my ankle and plopped my school bag on the floor with the exception of my phone. “Now, please just relax for the rest of the day and don’t move unless you need to use the toilet.” She handed me my phone along with the TV remote. “If you need ANYTHING please just give me a ring. I’ll be more than happy to come help.”
“Okay, thanks Doloris.” I sighed but gave her a small smile. She patted my head, then took her keys and left me in my room to think. What the hell just happened to me? Was that voice part of what Kassian was talking to me about, because of our strong mental connection? If that was him, he’s going to have a lot of explaining to do.