I close my eyes and the darkness awaits,
The abyss behind my eyelids stares back at me.
My eyelids quiver like eager leaves trying to jump from tree limbs,
But they stay closed.
My hands become clammy, my heart begins to race,
The abyss starts to sway,
Swaying like a lonely soul to a sad song.
Perhaps I should question why,
Use my mind to ask it’s purpose,
Instead, I am enamored by the swaying,
Enamored at how the concept of nothing is moving before me.
I want to know its secrets,
How it functions,
Why it has chosen me,
So I dive nose-first into the pit.
Suddenly, I am swimming in a black sea of memories,
Memories I have long forgotten,
Or ones I have long pushed out.
The feeling of regret gradually constricts me with each stroke into the water,
Until I cannot swim any longer.
The water settles, and the silence becomes deafening.
I try to thrash, to break free.
But the only thing moving are the scenes replaying below me.
Below me, I see every mistake and every triumph I have made,
Below me, I see my first day of kindergarten,
Below me, I see my last moments in high school.
Below me, I see the truth.
The truth swallows me, and the urge to swim regurgitates up,
An urge to push through the dark waters, and into the light.
This urge allows my feet to begin to kick,
And my arms start flailing after that,
Within seconds, I am swimming
Swimming like a turtle's first time in the ocean.
The fleeting forgotten memories flow past me as I swim vigorously,
The memories my conscious may have forgotten,
But the memories my soul will never forget.
And as I reach the shore of the future,
I am grateful for every experience,
For every person who believed in me,
And even the ones who didn't,
Because my being is forever changed for the better,
And suddenly, for the first time, my eyes are truly open.
—
Willow Donaldson is a 20-year-old first-generation college student born in Martinsburg West Virginia, where she spent the first 10 years of her life. In 2014 she moved in with her Aunt and Uncle in Hagerstown Maryland where she now resides and pursues her passion for writing. She will graduate with an associates degree in English at Hagerstown Community College in the spring of 2024 and plans to continue her education at an accredited University for a degree in Journalism.