“Her Eyes” By Norma Burcker

I had not gotten a full night of sleep since it happened. Every night I searched for anything the police could have missed, some clue that my girlfriend of almost two years did not just skip town without a trace. A needle in a haystack it seemed. I searched until my restless body could no longer carry on. Last night was no different than any of the previous. Falling asleep was dreadful. Every time I closed my eyes all I could see were hers. I am almost certain that the exact moment I fell asleep was the moment my alarm clock started blaring.

I opened my eyes and there she was, staring back at me from the frame on my desk. I rolled out of bed and walked over to it. I threw the frame against the wall. The glass shattered erratically all over my floor. I sliced open my hand on one of the shards while picking up the photograph. I held it for a few moments. I stared into her intense crystal blue eyes once more. I took the photo for a school project. She hated it, but I loved it. Her gaze could envelop anyone around her. The sunlight gave her long blonde hair a radiant glow as it fell over her shoulders. Her face was neutral, but her eyes, they demanded your attention.

I tossed the bloodied photo into a desk drawer. I couldn’t stand to look at her anymore. I cleaned the blood from my hands. No need for stitches. I had to hurry because it was already eight o’clock and I promised my boss I was okay. I was okay. I sleepily staggered into the shower where I met my demise. The drain had captured a few strands of her hair from her shower the morning before she disappeared. Everything got dark and blurry. I called my boss.

“Dylan? Is everything all right?” she asked.

“Yes. I’m okay. I’m just not feeling well. I won’t be in today,” I replied.

I hung up the phone. I was not okay.

Beads of sweat began to gather across my forehead. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I needed to get out of the house. I got into my car and started driving. I did not know where I was going or what I was doing. My heartbeat was now echoing in my ears like a drum.

“Where are you?!” I screamed.

“You know exactly where she is,” he said.

I looked over to my passenger seat and there he was. He only appeared when I felt like I was losing control. I grasped the steering wheel tight. I wanted to be in control.

“No, not you again,” I said. “Leave me alone!”

“Find her,” he said.

“Tell me where she is! Please!”

“You know where she is!”

“No I don’t!”

“Keep driving, you’ll find her.”

In that moment, he was gone. I hated him. He was cocky, aggressive, and everything that I was not. I needed to find her and he was making it a game. How could someone be so cruel? I kept driving like he said, though I did not know why I was listening to him. The drive felt familiar, but I could not figure out why. Then, I came to a gravel road and knew exactly where I was. I stopped and when I looked over I saw him in my passenger seat again.

“My parents’ cabin?” I asked.

“Go on,” he taunted.

“She’s…here?”

“Just go!”

I turned down the gravel road that wound its way back to my parents’ cabin. It was about two miles away from the main road, but close to the lake. The old road was in desperate need of some repair. No one visited anymore. I could not figure out why she would be there. I guess he knew something I didn’t. Or maybe he was just playing games again. I pulled up to the cabin and exited my car slowly.

“Follow me,” he beamed.

I walked behind him as we made our way towards the cabin. With each step, I grew closer to finding her. My heart rate began to accelerate again. Something did not feel right. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. The wind, the birds, my feet. We entered the cabin and he led me to the basement door. I reluctantly followed him. The creak of the old steps permeated throughout the cabin. Something was wrong.

“What did you do to her?!” I trembled.

He laughed hysterically as he walked over to the chest freezer in the corner. He lifted the lid and there she was. Her lifeless body was cold, blue and bruised. I started to lose it.

“You killed her! Why would you kill her?” I shouted.

“That, my friend, is where you’re mistaken. You did it,” he laughed.

“No! That’s not possible,”

“Don’t you remember? She started packing her bags after she caught you talking to me. Said you were crazy. Then you, ya know…” He placed his hands to his own throat and made a gagging sound. He laughed hysterically as I stared blankly at the wall.

“No! I’m not crazy. I would never do that. Why would I kill her? Why? Tell me why?” I pleaded.

I awaited an answer from him, but it never came. I turned around and he was gone. His laugh echoed in my head as if he were at the end of a tunnel. I looked over to the freezer. Her neck was ringed red from strangulation. Even in death, she was beautiful. Her gaze pierced through my soul just as it always had. Her eyes were the guilt deep within me that I could never fathom. My eyes welled with tears as the events began to feel true. I walked over to her with trembling hands as I pressed her eyelids closed.

Her eyes would haunt me no more.

“Wondering” by Heather Wallen

Just wondering if you compare her to me
Like I compare him to you
Wondering if you revert to bad habits and bite your nails
Like I pick at the scabs on my arms when I think of you
Wondering if you buy her that same perfume
that you loved on me.
Wondering if she reads you her selfish love poems
and wondering if you hang on her every word
Wondering why I can’t get you out of my head
Wondering if you even wonder about me at all
Do you remember it the same way I do?
How we moved too fast and scared each other
How after we separated we ran as far away from home as possible
Wouldn’t admit that they were right about us.
Honestly they didn’t know anything but the lies we told them.
You were the first real love I tasted
First real war I felt inside
First time I saw a soul ripped out through the heart
I made you crazy
But you drove me insane.
Then again this isn’t about the fighting,
though remembering it makes missing you easier.
This is about the sickness I feel when I think about the horrible things we did to each other.
The lies we told
I’m sorry for that
I’m sorry thinking about you makes me want to be medicated
The idea of us meeting again is a trigger I didn’t know I had.
The idea of seeing those eyes, those lips…
God, your voice…
For a moment I’d get lost in you again, I know it.
The way you smelled after you’d walk home in the rain
The way tobacco didn’t taste so bad to me if it came from your lips
The way your laughter infected me
I’d think of the ways you used to love me
I’d wonder why we ever strayed so far from love
Then I’d remember
and I’d suffocate.

“The Little Red Pointe Shoes” by Mickayla Taulton

They were merely a gift,
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
Everyone made fun of them,
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
Yet, she wore them,
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
She danced day and night,
In The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
As the months passed they began to fade,
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
They hung on the back of the door waiting,
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
Then one day they were removed,
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
They were put into a cardboard box and sealed tightly,
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
They were packed for quite some time,
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
Finally, the beams of sunlight warmed them,
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
They were taken out and put on display,
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
Everyone who passed stopped and pointed in laughter,
At The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
For some time, they were never worn nor touched,
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
Until one day they caught the attention of a mother and daughter,
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
The mother picked them up and held them,
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
She showed them to her daughter, but the daughter refused to take them,
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
The mother told her daughter that she once had a pair of them,
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
As the mother looked closely at the shoes she remembered something,
About The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
She pulled back the padding inside of them,
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
Engraved inside was the name Lacey, A smile formed on her face as she held
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
She knew that they were hers, and they had come back to her,
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.
She then looked at her own mother, and then at her daughter,
They smiled and nodded because they knew that they were hers.
The Little Red Pointe Shoes.

“Bipolar” By Nicholaus Harvill

Vile switches flip within
Adverse colors clash again,
All her constant inconsistence
Carves cruel gaps and forges distance

Bright red light flicks to green
She’s lost the yellow in between
Missing pieces leave her weak
With ebbing will, her worries peak

Lifeless from relentless battle
She weeps and wishes for defeat,
A comfort blade to quell the rattle
To seek her peace, hearts cease their beat

“Girls Like Girls” By T.C. Ranae

The room was filled with blinding strobe lights, sexual tension and the overwhelming stench of cheap weed that could hardly get you high. My best friend Will told me it would be a waste of time to go but I didn’t care as I watched Robin Hunter from my seat on the dingy brown couch on the left side of the house party. She wore a dark leather strap around her tiny wrist, a tiny crescent pendant necklace around her neck, red pumps and a short black fitted dress that accented her long tan legs and body perfectly. She brought the red solo cup up to her lips and took a deep sip, leaving a dark lipstick stain on the rim. She talked to Ricky Schwartz, captain of the North Hagerstown High School football team, the number one pothead of the school, the beloved son of the principal and, unfortunately, her boyfriend. She smiled at him before glancing in my direction. I felt my cheeks begin to burn. I began to remember the first time she looked at me. It had been freshman year in our chemistry class and we had been assigned to be each other’s lab partners. She’d smiled at me and that had been the end of it. I’d been hooked ever since. She was beautiful, smart, kind and so much more. She never had a bad thing to say about anyone. I wanted her.

“Samantha?”

I turned towards where my name was called to see a joint being shoved into my face.

“Are you going to take a hit or not?” someone whose name I couldn’t remember asked, eyes glazed.

I pulled my blonde hair over to one side, took the joint from his fingers and took a deep drag. I let the smoke sit in my lungs before exhaling. The taste sat on the back of my tongue, bitter. What a waste this was. I sighed.

“I’ll take next,” someone said just over my shoulder.

I turned to see Robin.

She smiled as she took the joint from me, our fingers grazing. She took a deep inhale of the smoke, plopped down in the empty spot next to me, exhaled and crossed her legs. Her short dress rode higher, a hint of a possible tattoo on her upper thigh. I looked away.

“So how’ve you been, Sam?”

I turned back to her. “Who me?”

She laughed and nodded as she passed the joint. She moved in closer and took my hand. “Yeah, you. Who else?”

I blushed. “Right.” I took a sip of the drink I’d been holding for an hour now.

She giggled. “You still haven’t answered my question.”

I gulped.

“Here you go,” a male voice said.

We both looked up to see Ricky holding a cup towards Robin. He glanced in my direction before turning it back to her. She accepted it and took a sip before turning her bright green eyes back to me. They sparkled as they stared into my dull brown ones.

She took my cup out of my hand and sat it down with her own. “Do you want to dance?” she asked as she stood, pulling me up by the hand.

“Uh, sure.” My heart raced with anticipation as she pulled me into the center of the dance floor, cutting around and through the bodies of the other party goers drenched in sweat. When we reached the center, she circled towards me and began to move to the beat of the pulsing music. Her arms wrapped around my neck and her hips swung to the rhythm of the song.

“Loosen up, Sam,” she laughed. She pulled me closer to her.

Her face was close, so close I could practically taste the coconut rum on her breath. It was strong. I wanted to taste it. I pulled back.

She stepped closer. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just need some air,” I yelled over the music.

“I’ll come with you.”

Before I could respond, Ricky appeared and swept her into the crowd, giving me a sneer and leaving me standing alone in a sea of faces. I needed to get out.

My body felt heavy as I found myself in a dark hallway filled with numerous pictures I couldn’t make out. My fingers trailed against the wall for balance. I ended up in the back of the house and, fortunately, an empty room. I closed the door, walked to the opposite side and opened a window. I inhaled the air with greed before letting it go. I laid my head against the windowpane and sighed.

Robin couldn’t be mine. We’d tried it already. My mind clouded with the first time I’d touched her. It had been sophomore year at a party not much different from this. She had been wearing a black crop top, a pair of dark washed jeans, black leather boots and a grey crescent that hung from her belly button. She had taken glances at me all night, giving small smiles that showed the dimple in her left cheek. As the night continued, so did the drinks, and she eventually signaled me to go upstairs with her. We’d found an empty room in the back of the house and had let our attraction take over. I touched my lip. I remembered the way her kisses grazed against my skin and the way her toes curled when I touched her hip. She had smelled like vanilla and freesias.

I shook my head, pulled out my cell phone and contemplated calling Will. What was he doing right now? Parties weren’t his thing, so he wasn’t here but I needed him more than anything right now. He always knew what to do.

As I dialed his number, there was a knock at the door.

“This room is occupied,” I shouted, putting my phone away and hoping whoever was at the door would leave.

The door creaked open and in walked the one person I didn’t expect.

Robin smiled as she closed the door behind her and locked it. She walked over to me slowly but sensually and came down in front of me. A bruise was forming on her arm. “I looked everywhere for you.”

I stared wide eyed at her. “What happened to you?”

She covered the bruise with her other hand. “Oh that? It’s just a bruise.”

I moved her hand. “Yeah, a bruise the size of a fist. Was it Ricky?”

Her silence answered my question for me.

What I saw broke my heart. Her eyes were filled with tears. Tears I wanted to so desperately kiss away.

I finally spoke. “You need to tell someone.”

“I can’t. I can’t tell anyone.” She choked on tears, putting her head down. “He knows the truth. He’ll tell.”

“What do you mean he knows?”

She looked up at me slowly and before I knew it, her mouth was on mine. My eyes closed. The kiss was warm and gentle, just like I had remembered it. My hands were on her waist and her fingers were in my hair. I wanted more. All too soon she began to pull away.

“That’s what he knows,” she began to explain. “I’m the only girl he’s ever wanted.”

I gulped.

“He refuses to let me go and as long as I’m with him, he won’t tell my parents that I’m…” She didn’t finish but she didn’t have to because I knew what she was trying to say. I was living the same life. I couldn’t tell my parents either and it wasn’t just because they were always on business trips.

“It’ll be okay,” I said, stroking her cheek.

She held my hand to her face as if it were comforting, and maybe it was. In that moment, she was there, with me, and that’s all that mattered.

I kissed her forehead. “Let me take you home.”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

We were sitting in my black Sedan, outside of her dark house. Leaving the party without anyone realizing had been more than too easy. It had still been in full swing when we left, everyone too engulfed with themselves to notice anyone leave. She’d come with Ricky, but, by the looks of it when we were leaving, he had already left.

I turned off the car. “Are you going to be okay?”

She leaned towards me and kissed me again, so softly I wasn’t a hundred percent sure she had actually kissed me.

“Goodnight and thank you. No matter what happens, I promise, I won’t forget this, not this time,” she said before leaving the car and walking up to her house. I waited until I saw her walk inside and shut the door behind her. I started my car and left.

I wasn’t ready to go home. My head pounded, my palms sweated, my eyes burned and the car lights whizzing past were beginning to blur. My chest was so tight, I could barely breathe. My body was shaking and eventually I pulled over into Pangborn Park. I couldn’t drive anymore.

I pulled out my phone and called the only person who could help me at this point. The only person who knew everything about me. My best friend. He answered on the second ring.

“What’s up?” Will asked. The rasp in his voice made it clear that he had been sleeping. I glanced at the time. It was after one o’clock in the morning.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I didn’t notice it was this late,” I apologized.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing, it’s fine.”

“Where are you? Are you hurt? I’m getting dressed now.” I heard him moving quickly around his room. He swore at the same time I heard a loud thump in the background.

“No really, go back to sleep. I’ll be-”

“If you tell me okay or that you’ll be fine I’m going to cut your tongue out of your mouth when I find you. Where are you?”

He always had been a little dramatic. “Pangborn Park,” I sighed.

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes,” and with that he was gone.

Will showed up in ten minutes in his red Chevy truck, wearing two different colored shoes, one green and one blue. His orange sweatshirt had “Susquehanna” written across it, his dream school. His black hair stuck up in the wrong places, and his glasses covered his tired blue eyes that normally wore contacts. He pulled me into a hug when I got out of my car.

He pulled away a little to see my face. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know.” And with that I told him everything, from beginning to end. We locked our cars and walked through the park as I told him the details of how my night had gone. He listened attentively as always and I talked for what felt like hours because I knew I could with him. He didn’t judge me and he genuinely cared.

“So, then I took her home. She kissed me goodnight, I think, and told me that she wouldn’t forget this time.”

“Damn,” he said, wide eyed.

“Yeah, I know,” I sighed, before taking out a cigarette and placing it between my lips. Will took out his emergency lighter and lit the end. I inhaled it deeply before letting the smoke escape my lungs. What an ugly habit to take part in. We looked ahead of us, staring into nothing except the trees, lights and road that stretched on forever.

“What are you going to do about it now?” he finally asked.

“That seems to be the question of the night.”

“This really sucks, Sam.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Well, whatever happens, I’ll be there for you.” Will took my hand in his.

I turned towards him.

“Thank you.”

“Now, let’s get you home.”

As we walked back towards our cars, I didn’t feel like going home to a cold and empty house. It would remind me that I was alone and that the only person I trusted would be on his way back to his welcoming home in just a few minutes.

“I’m not ready to go home yet.”

He turned towards me. “Your parents aren’t back from their business trip yet are they?”

I shook my head.

“Well what do you want to do?”

“I just want to stay out.”

And so we did. He climbed into the passenger seat at the same time I sat down in the driver’s seat. We made sure our doors were locked before settling into the soft cushion seats. Within minutes, Will had fallen asleep but I couldn’t stop thinking about what tomorrow would bring. The future was never certain and there were many ways this could end. Maybe, I’d get to school, with just a few minutes to spare, and would see Robin in Ricky’s arms, wearing the black sweater she only wore on Mondays with a pair of faded ripped jeans and black combat boots that came up to her knees. Ricky would smile, a smug smile, knowing he’d won and she would laugh and kiss him like she truly did love him. I would be heartbroken, once again, wondering if last night had even been real, and I would go to Will and he would comfort me and wrap me up in a warm hug that told me everything would be okay, even if it wasn’t at the moment. And then we would go about our day and back into the flow of things as if nothing had happen. I would put the memory of tonight away, leaving it to rot until eventually it was nothing more than something that brought a bitter taste to my mouth.

The thought hurt. Reality didn’t always have a happy ending and I was too much of a pessimist to think otherwise. But still a small part of me hoped for it not to end like that. That maybe, just maybe, at the end of the day when it was time to go home I’d find a note in my locker, like a cheesy old cartoon show, that told me she still remembered tonight like she promised.

“For Dionysus” by Michael Tucker

I find you in fleeting moments
mostly
when I lose myself and
then you are gone behind your mask.
I find you when I go to pieces sobbing and broken on my
cold bathroom floor.
I find you all those long ago nights
when I danced in warehouses with euphoric abandon
in ecstasy’s warm embrace.
You were the faces in the crowd
and me
when I was far past gone
and standing beside myself…
I find you in when I’m vanished in a song
front row
facemelting  icecreamed
or in my bedroom silence
glimpsing eternity in the now.
I find you when I have no words
as the light bends
and wraps itself
around the Shaman’s song.
You trample me savage one
tear me open
tenderfrenzy
slay me laughing  thrice born one
crush me                           like grapes underfoot
bleeding vine
mirrormask
You whisper in my ear
that the sun is nothing more than a star
in a sky full of them
and                                  I am born again.

“The Ghost” by Kaitlyn Teach

What would you do
with a ghost in your room
who never came out
when you asked him to?

Would you coax him
and call him
and ask him to leave,
while he sits in the corner
heckling your pleas?

Would you light up some incense
to scare him away?
Would you call out his nonsense
on another day?

I think he would like that
a little too much.
Considering he’s see-through,
he might want to touch.

Just give him an opening–
give him a sign–
and I’m sure that everything
will be just fine.

Then again, I’m not the one
with a ghost in my room.
Don’t turn around now:
He’s watching you.