“Better Written Than Admitted” By Portia Dobrzanski

How hard it is to breathe
when the echoes of my heart beat violently
against my bandaged lungs
and sorrow desiccates my wounded bones

How hard it is to luxuriate
in the crowds that compose celebration
when their numbers only magnify my loneliness
and morality is slandered by the malevolence of their ambitions

How hard it is to think
when the pills that were meant to fix my quandaries
dance their dreadful song with throbbing intensity
and calamity shrouds my memory

How hard it is to speak
in the gracious tongues of my past
when nothing could ever palliate the sting of their hissing tone
by which my throat has since been scorched

Oh,
How easy it is to pretend
when it only takes one smile to terminate their screaming accusations
and laughter paralyzes their blistering lips
cling to the masses and misfortune shall never visit

So go on, darling
Cover up your scars
Numb your pain
Suppress your thoughts and hide your bruises
Play their game
but don’t ever try to win it

Who could love the girl
with tired eyes and a broken soul?
And who could love the girl
whose heart seethes disaster from its cracks
crying out for relief from the shatter?

No one cares to hear your story
No one will stay to dry your tears
The truth may bring pain
But no one could ever love the girl who hurts.

“Winter Blues” by K.E. Shea

Winter is a time of joy
for people who are cheery,
yet the days are dull and dim
to the souls of the weary.

Yes, December distracts you
with holidays and some fun.
But how does one carry on
when celebrations are done?

Living in winter is like
being damned to Asphodel;
you merely exist and breathe
in this bleak landscape you dwell.

Without the sun’s light and warmth,
waking up becomes a pain.
When you’re greeted by the cold,
and a dark, withered terrain.

How I envy evergreens,
and cardinals in the snow.
For they continue to thrive,
even in seasons of woe.

For days, I’m weak and tired,
life drained by the cloudy sky.
I struggle to exist like
a flower about to die.

I pray the Lord give me strength
and to wipe away the tears.
For I know light will return
and heal me when spring is here.

“Battle Scars” by Michelle Dean

I’ll never know the horrors of what he saw.
I’ll never understand the pain that remains.
All I know is the after effects have him flawed.

The airplanes flying overhead at night,
The sound of a loud bang,
All send him into a mode of fight.

I see him here beside me but he’s not really here.
His mind is far off in the distance,
And I never know if I should stay or disappear.

His empathy has departed,
I can’t tell if he even cares.
He says he loves me but leaves me brokenhearted.

I try to help but it seems impossible and so tough.
He lives in a world of his own,
Shutting me out, making me feel I’m just not enough.

What has that place done to him that I can’t understand?
Why am I being punished for staying by his side?
This is a life only known by those loving a military man.

“Beauty-ful Beast” By Esther LoPresto

“Make sure you get it right this time, Mindy,” he tells me as he settles into my chair. “Use more waterproof stuff. Yesterday’s rain nearly washed it all off.” His angry tone has become familiar.

“Sorry, sir.” Quietly, I close the door to the salon’s only private room.

“I have a reputation to uphold, woman!” He pounds his fist on the arm of my chair.

“Yes, sir, I understand. I mean no disrespect, but you were in a hurry yesterday.”

He sighs. “I know. It’s my own fault. All of it is.”

I start sorting through various cosmetics at my station in front of him. His vacillations between anger and sadness have become common lately. I catch a glimpse in the mirror as he uncovers his face: long, tanned fingers pushing back the black hood, removing the large, black sunglasses. He has brown eyes, a warm caramel brown. His fingers hesitate to pull off the black mask concealing the lower half of his face. He sees me watching him. I quickly duck my head and collect the necessary makeup and brushes.

Another sigh. “You try my patience, Mindy. But you’re the best in the city.”

I start applying the makeup. His face is several shades lighter than the rest of his skin. It’s my job to make sure no one notices that.

“And you’re the only one who has seen this.” There’s disgust in the word as he gestures to his face. “As such, I can’t reveal it to anyone else. The press would have a field day.” He closes his mouth and eyes as I layer on foundation. It’s three shades darker than the skin of his face, but it matches his coloring elsewhere. “Do you know what I’d do to you if you let word get out?”

“Yes, sir.” I pick up a pot of concealer, mixed specifically for his face. “You’d send an assassin after me and they’d never find my body.”

He laughs, a nice sound. “You got that right.”

My brush hesitates and I can’t hide a smile. I know it’s just an exaggeration; I’d keep his secret even without the fake threat.

“What are you smiling for?”

And the nice moment is over.

“Sorry, sir.” I neutralize my expression and get back to work.

Minutes pass in silence as I add more and more layers of fake, hiding the real man. Normally, we do talk a little. I’ve gotten to know the person he hides underneath the layers of fake; the truth that the cameras, the press, and the fans don’t see. He hides a caring heart, a slightly timid, introverted personality under the harsh mask of celebrity. He’s only a year younger than I am, and we live such different lives.

“Admit it,” he says, breaking my thoughts as I add on the final touches. “You’ve seen it. You think I’m hideous, don’t you?”

“I—”

“Don’t lie.”

“Well…” I take a step back and look at the work I’ve done. With practice, I’ve perfected this look for him. A look that matches the face he had before. I’d studied pictures of him before the accident, chosen all the right colors to match his skin tone. I filled in what he lost of his eyebrows, and helped the hairs grow back. Noticed the nuances to highlight his sharp nose and cheekbones.

He’d seen the accident. Called the fire department. Risked his life to save the children in the meantime. None of them should have survived. The children were safe. And this man in front of me… he made it out with second and third-degree burns, still healing from the worst of them. Except for one covering most of his face. There was no healing it. Only surgery could fix it, which he planned to do when his schedule allowed. Until then, it was my job to hide it.

Celebrities’ faces are their money-makers. Without the face that everyone has always known, he’d be out of work. He hates his face because of the burns. He hides it under masks and makeup so no one will know. No one will see that good deed either.

I don’t know why I do it. I take a makeup-removing sheet and swipe it down his nearly finished face.

“What are you doing?!” He jolts up and grabs my wrist, not tightly.

Rather than anger, I see fear in his eyes. Fear that someone will see the scars I’ve revealed.

“You shouldn’t be ashamed, sir. It was a brave thing you did. I think you’re trying too hard to hide beauty inside a beast.”

“Traitor” By Malora Lawrence

Oh die I do declare, your deceit shan’t go unnoticed
Roll one for me again, and send me straight into psychosis!

What must I do this time, to remove your blighted curse?
In rubbing, blowing, blessing, this affliction refuses reverse

This time I promise the vice, and to seek a set anew
As I cast my final roll, out of spite you give me a two…

“Midterms” by Katrina Seabright

Mid-terms, you make me want to throw myself out a window
Onto a pile of glass that will hurt less than my back
After sitting and staring and hunching over my computer all night.
I feel like an old man, groaning and wheezing and cursing at the sun
For being too bright, because it is
Way
Too
Bright.
I’ve spent all night watching words run and collide
Until there’s nothing left but a jumble of letters and numbers and
More coffee, I need more coffee.

And I don’t know why I put so much pressure on myself when
I know that you’ll pass by and nothing will have changed.
I still care even when I don’t want to because you’re only Mid-terms
And you mean I have another half a semester to go.
And people will tell me that this is the best time of my life
But clearly they are not old like me, hunched and tired,
Grumpy and swallowing down another coffee and another coffee
And maybe just one more coffee will make it make sense.
They don’t have my shaking hands or aching back or tired eyes
Because they don’t have my job or my classes
Or my life.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have my life too.
But I have to pass
So even if it doesn’t matter
I have to take this test anyway.
Mid-terms,
I hate you but you’re there to show that I’m making progress,
That all hope is not lost
That I still have time.
I don’t want any more time, I want to quit.
I want to stop and fly away like people can in books
Because flying might mean falling,
but it’s better to fall because at least there’s an end to it.

Mid-terms, you make me want to scream until I have no voice left
And then I’d throw something because it’s still not enough.
I want to throw myself out a window.
It would be preferable to one more night and one more cup and
The steady tick tick tick of the clock that I don’t even have
Winding down until I’m out of time
And I haven’t even taken my exam.

“Look Up” by Michael Tucker

in these our last daze
our lost days
I’m at the end
now
chrome skulls bleeding quicksilver skies
above
as omega point approaches with a fuzzy smile
the people on TV snort space and candy
off plastic cd cases
(apocalypse wow)
Ah American life:
a rest home for the wayward and roughly traded children
busted up dusted up children
digging in neon wastelands
high atop parking garage rooftops
holding hands in glass elevators
passing basketballs
beyond the beyond
quick don’t look everything is connected
singing songs for the schizophrenic rabbit
far below another
barbed wire bramble tree bent
still fuzzy smileys rub against my face
near suicide note grimoires of quantum physics and games of Arabian chess in the candy store
grinning while I’m losing
because losing is good luck mostly
giving up cigarette hugs bleak poet on the bathroom floor
licking atomic cellophane on a broken mirror
warm breeze through the window
bright cartoon of reality
playing on
outside
beside myself here in hell’s lounge
after a free if brief trip to heaven
as Pisces
fades
into Aquarius
my heart now lends itself to unwrapping
a satyr against this plastic world
pull me up like a weed
I’m unveiled